Grief shows up so often in sessions with clients. It also shows up in my life, daily. Grief about a version of me I randomly miss because a song came on the radio reminded me of younger times. Grief strikes down hard when I look up at a lucky horseshoe hanging on a wall as I walk down my stairs every morning. This horseshoe was purchased during a loved Scotland trip that my grandmother took in her 60s, it was willed to me by her after she transitioned. Grief hits my heart when I look at a picture in my office of my best friend Allison taken away way too young when we were in our 20s. It’s everywhere and as we hear more and more about the many wars going on all over the world, Grief weighs heavy in the air.
It is dominating lately and what do we do with it? As a somatic therapist I am encouraged to sit with it, but sometimes the weight is too much. Recently I noticed myself zooming past feeling it just so I could function. I lost yet another friend in June and heard the sarcastic voice in my head state ‘there goes another.’ So calloused, so dismissive, such a way to survive the unimaginable. I had to work the day I found out, I had to teach too. If I were a client I would be offering ideas of how you can take something off your plate so you can grieve but for some reason I didn’t go there. I actually think I needed to work and make sure those tough conversations were allowed in safe spaces for others, so they didn’t think to do something similar to this friend who passed in June. I recall having some great sessions that day too, I think my attunement was extra focused. Energetically people can really feel your attention and curiosity. It’s one of the main things therapists need to keep going, it helps people feel safe. It’s also how we can help each other through these times, by actively listening to one another.
Grief is everywhere. My current mentor explains it in energy language and when you do that it’s kinda nice to be free from the narrative. It’s just heavy and it does help to voice that. I notice myself moving slower, talking kinder in my head when I am stuck in traffic and giving out extra hugs to those that are open to them. I think I am following my intuition on how to work through this all, knowing it may be around for a very long time. It is sometimes so heavy I feel weird about posting pictures of happy family events such as birthdays or soccer games. I am so torn, at times, around where to focus when I am not working or helping kids with homework. That is when the narrative roars back into my head and I know exactly why the air feels heavy. Much like when COVID was new occupying our thoughts during regular work days, these wars are in the background of many of our minds day to day.
So, what do we do with all this heaviness we are sludging through daily? We acknowledge it together. We smile more with love and understanding. We slow down and notice the little things that bring us joy with more purpose. We don’t dismiss unless we are just needing to survive the day. We don’t shove down, we sit with it but together. We are past the era of whispering our problems. It’s perfectly okay to say things out loud and shout them if you want! We all need to get better about being okay with not being okay. I think we are past the times where we compete with who has what and are at a place where we authentically inquire about one another’s days. How are you doing today? How does grief impact you lately? Feel free to answer below.