Holding space and being human
I often tell my clients to give themselves more permission to be human. I see and hear a lot of self shaming, high expectations and ruminating on how things ‘could have gone’ in their hamster wheel thoughts. These thoughts negatively affect their bodies, I know that all too well as a somatic therapist.
In a quick experiential somatic exercise I ask you to think of something that is currently bothering you, now see how your body is reacting to the thought. Many would report their tummy feels rigid, or tight. Now think about a time you had a lot of freedom, comfort and space. Check back in with the body and notice if anything shifts? The way we think is felt in our bodies. We just haven’t been shown to be curious about this enough and the field of somatic therapy hopes to bring more awareness to this in order for healing to be longer term.
Now, back to permission to be human. I hit a wall this week. I heard from my own therapist, my own doctors and my therapist friends that I need to let myself be human. I hold a LOT of space and it’s something I have traditionally been great at. Lately I am crumbling a bit and found myself having a hard time giving myself permission to be human.
There is still so much pressure for us humans we are taking in consciously and unconsciously to be balanced, to be Zen, to be happy all the time. This isn’t realistic nor aligning with the permission to be a human goal. When you go through self help books, accessory aisles, you see so much out there in book titles or pillow etchings to be HAPPY. What if life is so stressful it’s hard to find happiness currently? If that is your case at times, you may also feel shame energy when you read these book titles or motivational posters at Target. It happens so fast and often unconsciously, the shame energy enters and thickens the depression or anxiety.
I sometimes worry that holding space as often as therapists are required to is accidently bypassing their own healing process. There is such an expectation of us to be a certain way, all the time, that we forget to give ourselves permission to be human. When my therapist asked me to sit with my vulnerable part this past session, I barely could. It felt unsafe and I realized, damnit, I am in a trauma response. The multitasking I have had to feel these past few months has accidentally tripped my trauma response off. My somatic body worries it’s back in danger and having a hard time realizing that in the here and the now, I am okay–just busy.
So, to honor my own words I am being human. I found an app that reminds me to “pause” and check in. This is helping me stay away from fight, flight, freeze or my own personal go to appease. Listening to books on staying present helps on my walks as well. Also what helps, crying, screaming and being the messy expressive human I am.
I am recommitted to allowing myself to be more honest with others, including establishing healthy boundaries. This helps remind my younger parts that I am walking in an adult body with the ability to put up boundaries. This is how I am helping me get out of this response and back into my preferred state of being which is that, being. Just being—good, bad, ugly mixed with gratitude and joy. It’s okay to be human and please try and be still for at least 3 minutes to just “be.”
With love,
Jenny